Day 28 – Sunday. I expect a fairly big “Sunday Sesh” (refer day 7) has been had today by the Celtic Senior and Senior B Celtic footy teams and well deserved. Many may scoff about excess consumption on a Sunday, but the day of the week or time of the day doesn’t seem to really mean anything when you consider the fact that at any one time, 0.7% of the World’s population are drunk, which means right now there are 54,000,000 people currently shit canned somewhere. I know at least 30 of them will be at the Celtic clubrooms. Magnificent.
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Today’s beer is DB Export Gold. Export Gold is a beer that makes no attempt to do anything, be anything, or try anything. It has no defining characteristics, no personality, and no flavour. It’s not a bad drink. There’s technically nothing ‘wrong’ with it, it’s just kind of… nothing. What’s the point of it? If it were a spice, it’d be flour. It’s the Wellington Phoenix in liquid form. It’s as basic as stripes, ugg boots, and sodium hydroxide.
It’s beer by the minimum possible definition. It tastes like nothing, which makes it the preferred choice of beer drinkers who don’t actually like beer. I think of it as a gateway drink – great for new drinkers or high school kids who want to acquire a taste, but beyond that, it’s time to move on to something with flavour. Have you ever met anyone who genuinely loves Export Gold? They barely even count as people. Try striking up a conversation with one of them and the only thing they can talk about is the weather and how much they like or dislike the song that’s currently playing. Beyond that, their chat dwindles to just showing you mediocre memes they saw on Facebook this week. And just like its loyal drinkers who will happily drone on again and again about that one try they scored for the 1st XV 25 years ago, Export Gold still tries to advertise the fact that it won Best Lager in the World in 1994. Probably not as bad as my beloved Speights still claiming gold medals it won 139 years ago, but still kind of pathetic.