Day 31 – Almost done, I am considering setting an alarm for midnight and whipping the top off a glorious NZ APA in bed. Perhaps that may not be an ideal way to wean myself back onto the boob but we’ll see. 31 days has in all honesty been fairly easy. Heineken 00 put paid to any nerves I had in social environments, much the same as people trying to give up cigarettes roll uncooked cheerio’s between their fingers. Donate here – won’t be long until I stop pestering you, I thank you for your support thus far - http://www.dryjuly.co.nz/users/matthew-lee
Today’s beer is Heineken – Everyone equates Heineken with Germany, but it’s in fact from Holland. So don't start shaving your head and goose-stepping after one bottle. You'll look foolish. But 10 Heinekens? Well, that's something different. By that time, everyone's a possible candidate for ethnic cleansing, even your own parents. Heineken was the official beer of the Papanui Massif during the 2000’s. The Papanui Working Men’s Club, some 700m away from home swiftly became the headquarters. Many records in volume were achieved here; most bottles consumed without passing out, most bottles left on a table without being collected, most losses in a row in pool, most pool glove wearing twats mocked, most street lights for a black pool ball to be rolled past, most brown flannels stolen, fastest drive home, fastest drive home with lights off, fastest drive home with lights off and rear passenger covering your eyes etc etc. It was also the original home of the 5 in 10 challenge, which entailed drinking 5 Heinekens from the bottle straight out of the freezer in the shortest time possible. What may seem simple is actually very tough – the first 2 whom tried logged a 18 minutes and a 21 minutes. The record is held by a Mr MA Callaghan who clocked in a phenomenal 4.15 minute effort, which swiftly followed by his body shutting down and entering a seriously hypothermic state which required skin on skin contact from one of the old bar hags to heat him back up. I digress...
Heineken was also the official beer of the Papanui Massif Koru Day – this marvelous day involved 5 of us purchasing very low priced return grabaseat fares from CHC to WLG, arriving very early to Koru Lounge to pre-load prior to the flight, flying to WLG, arriving to WLG, and checking back into the Koru Lounge immediately on arrival to pre-load prior to our return flight some 9 hours later. A genius idea, for the small cost of $58, we had full bar access including top shelf for 8 and a half hours, it was like a Lochinvars “drink all you can for $20” Tuesday for rich people. For those familiar with WLG Koru Lounge, you will be aware of the very nice wine area complete with a dual temperature controlled fridge. On this particular occasion, the fridge offered a selection of fine NZ wines, both whites and reds, and later in the day a special edition Mid 40 year old male vintage was offered up, who had fallen into the fridge and was unable to extract himself. Phil Goff’s laptop was projected off his knee several metres across the floor due to his cord becoming tangled in a stumbling members shoe, Winnie Peters was placed in a headlock at the urinal, much to the disgust of his two young minions. Wonderful. Thankfully the “Cleaner” of the Massif at the time had a wife who worked for Air NZ, so he managed to “clean” some particulars up with airport security and airline staff, otherwise we would not have been allowed on the return flight, having all suffered massif strokes unbelievably all at the same time whilst attempting to stand up to get ready to board. I do believe Air NZ very swiftly amended their lounge protocol with regards to alcohol and allowable entry time prior to flights as a result. Party poopers.
Tune back in tomorrow for debrief, health report and a few quick reviews which didn’t quite make the big show. NB – tomorrows post is subject to being able to think, or type.